Gay Cartoon Characters Mourn Falwell

"Eh-oh. Sad, sad." Was all Tinkie Winkie could say.

"She was a bitch, but she was great at getting us out in front," said Spongebob Squarepants, referring to the late Rev. Jerry Falwell, who made his Ascension this last Tuesday. Squarepants and other gay cartoon characters gathered in San Francisco Thursday to discuss the impact Falwell had on their careers, and to name a marketing successor.

"Face it," said Barney, another gay cartoon icon of the past. "He put food on my plate for years after all those brats were sick to death of me and my purple skin, Honey." The Penguins from the 2006 film "Happy Feet" also expressed sadness at Falwell's passing. They had only lately hopped on the publicity bandwagon after their film was declared "homo-tolerant" by Falwell in 2006. "Well, at least we're woolly, that's all I can say," said one spokespenguin. "We're young, and we can dance, not like that lumpy prehistoric Divine over there."

Squarepants was quick to come to Barney's defense, calling the penguins "tarts in cheap suits". At that point, this reporter started to feel queer and had to step out for a little fresh air. When I returned, the penguins were mixing Cosmos for the group. They quickly settled on Michael Medved as their publicity coordinator, having agreed that James Dobson was just too mean ("like Joan Crawford on meth", according to Velma, of Scooby Doo fame), and Pat Robertson could never be taken seriously with "that cute little Keebler Elf face of his."

The group was working on details for a press conference to announce the successor when Spongebob broke down and started shooting bubbles out of his butt. "Eh-oh," said Tinkie. I couldn't agree more.

Clean Soap vs Dirty Field Tests

This video clip was made when a punk rocker in California created a lather, recently. He was pulled over for "driving while weird", and subsequently arrested for possession of a soap bottle full of what police identified as GHB, or the "Date Rape Drug".

The company that made the soap, Dr. Bronners, came to the punker's rescue and did a little research. What came out in the wash is fascinating. Turns out any soap that is TRULY soap, and not detergent, will show a false positive when tested for GHB using the cheap and non-standardized field tests used by police nationwide. And any soap that has detergent (synthetic soap) will not show a positive.

So, this clip is great for two reasons: we have a small organic company and counterculture oddball teaming up to take on the police and the cheap tests they use to arrest and possibly convict countless people, and we have cheap drug tests that can be used to tell if a soap is really a soap. We also get to learn another way we can reduce our dependence on petroleum! At least they work for something!

Just in Time for Mother's Day!

The largest flower in the world, a native of the Sumatran rain forests, the Titan Arum is a real doozy, standing at about 12 feet high and, when in full bloom, as much as 15 feet wide. It's corm weighs an average of 100 pounds during the growing season, which, in its native ground, is the monsoon season. Perhaps for some, though, the most impressive thing about the Titan Arum is the stench - that's right, the common name for it is "Corpse Flower", and if you head to St. Peter's Gustavus Adolphus College in the next few days, you will find out why.

"People have described [the flower's smell] as rotting meat flesh," said Gustavus senior Alex Burum, who helps care for Perry, which is short for Hyperion, a Greek deity.

"We've had some concerns from professors about how Nobel [Hall] will smell for a few days," said the college's greenhouse manager, Emily Hoefs.

Said associate chemistry Prof. Brian O'Brien, who received Perry as a seed from a San Francisco doctor in 1993 and promptly planted it: "Some say it has more of a feces smell."

Said Hoefs: "I've heard it can also smell like bread. Rotting fruit." There was one final smells-like: "Fried fish," O'Brien said.

You can read more about Perry the Corpse Flower here.

New kittens! Altogether Now, Everyone Say "Awwwwwwww"

These little ones are about 5 days old. They were born of Mike's kitty, Mittens, and a neighborhood Lothario (yes, Mittens will be spayed as soon as possible). In the meantime, the boys will get a chance to see the little ones grow. At weaning time, we will take one of the fellows (they all appear to be boys). We will have the opportunity to learn their personalities and pick the one we want. The rest will find good homes.

WARNING: Cute Kids Ahead!

Ben and Lucas congratulate one another on another successful Easter Egg Hunt. They got all but one egg - the missing one was found in the branches of a tree, just about eye level to a boy. Crazy Easter Bunny!

Lukey had a bunch of plastic eggs which he undertook to fill with treats such as chocolate kisses, coins, jelly beans, and small toys. What a great idea! The boys also had a lot of fun decorating real eggs the night before Easter. Ben's hands were green for a week!

Ben and Lukey meet our new neighbor, Coco. She's about 6 weeks old in the picture, and grows daily. Chester is a little too boisterous for her, but we're hoping they can get to know each other and be friends. We have lots of neighborhood dogs that enjoy each others' company, inluding Coco's housemate, Stoney, a black Lab, Trixie, a Jack Russell Terrier who refuses to believe she is small, a Newfie pup, Sugarfoot and her roomie, Angel, and the patriarch of the group, Toby, a 16-year old Dachshund. No one's yard is safe!

Young Eli (Tony's boy, and my Grand-nephew) tries out the "Fargo Fin" look. Thankfully, he discarded that notion in favor of a more traditional look (see below).

Ah, that's better.